Time

Here’s a thought for a Friday afternoon.

Time is a funny thing.  It is constant, it doesn’t change, it carries on regardless of what is happening in our lives.  Why do we try so hard to do the impossible and either fast forward it or slow it down. 

Time slips through our fingers when we want to hold onto it.  Sometimes it is because we are so busy that there is not enough time in the day but also in happier times when we are blessed with wonderful people around us or a relaxing holiday.  At other times we wish time away.  Wishing for the end of the week, so that we can once again enjoy the weekend, which inevitably ends too soon. 

For a long while I was wishing time away.  I spent years trying to just get through to a happier or more peaceful time.  I didn’t even realise for a long while that I was doing it and then when I did I didn’t know how to stop it.  Now I am in that happier more peaceful time, I want to hold onto it. But the day goes by faster than I remember it. 

The truth of His Word

It's not always easy when we feel that we are somehow being treated badly for no reason. When we feel that life is not fair and the world seems unjust.  But I hold on to the truth that I know. For he has been faithful, honest and true.  It is simply that God really does have a plan for me...they are plans to prosper me, not harm me, plans to give me hope and a future.  

I put my burdens at his feet...and he releases me.

Each time you ignore me the wound goes deeper still. 

What do you see when you look at me?  Do you see past the shell that hides a complex swirling vortex of emotions all screaming to be heard, and yet too scared to be seen.  Do you see the tear stains that run down my cheeks, the blood red veins covering my eyes.  Do you hear the sigh, that with every breathe I take, leaves my lips, as words can no longer express the depth of my pain.

And why do I allow myself to let this happen.  Why do I not say STOP!  Oh wait, I did yell STOP! you just didn't listen.  So how do I make myself heard? I really do need to toughen up!

When your strange!

Strange how things work sometimes. Just when you think that life cannot surprise you....

Trust is a funny thing.  You decide in an instant who to trust, who not to trust. What makes us decide who is who?  Today, I chose to trust somone new. 

When did I become so couragous.  Now you may not find it couragous, but truely for me it's a huge thing, learning to trust my instincts again.  After so many years of being told that I everything was my fault.  It dawned on me today that I had spent about 27 years of my life feeling guilty.  That everything was my fault..and I'm only 40!

Anyway, I'm off to bed now, feeling more relaxed than I have done in ages.

Anon

Anger

 

God is good.

 

Yesterday I cried

Frustration rode high

on Feelings of inadequacy

Feelings that swamp you

and engulf you

 

Last night I prayed

For calm and peace

For Gods grace to keep

All safe and sound with Angels around

For his love to complete

 

Today I awake

with a song in my heart

To start the day with joy

And thanks to Abba Father

My friend

 

The truth will out finally. Apologised to. But still feel quite upset.  I know I need to let it go...and I know that it is more than yesterday.  I need to ask for strength to forgive so that I am not consumed. 

 

 

 

 

 

A bad day...

Almost childishly I await the encounter.  Excited and a little in awe, I wonder what are his plans for me.  Although on my own I am vulnerable, with Him I will be strong enough. I know that is my choice...my choice to ask, to listen, to hear....then I can act! 

 

I cried again today.  So angry and frustrated with things that I cannot change.  Called a liar by someone who should know me well enough to know that I would never have behaved that way....the proof is that .....well I have never behaved that way.  I have always been open and honest.  But what can you do?  I cried because she is determined not to listen.  And still I love he so very much it hurts. 

 

So now to bed with a prayer to God for his love and protection for my family and friends.  A new revelation to come tomorrow.  Wisdom for my words and actions. His strength to help equip me for the day.  Calm to help me focus. And opportunities to speak his word. And his Grace to help me do it all with excellence for Him. 

 

For he is above all things.

When is Grace not enough?

When is Grace not enough?
When we question ourselves
our thoughts and actions,
When we feel alone in a crowd
When we feel like shouting
But we whimper quietly
When we are not proud
of who we are
Our skills and acheivements
and darkness fills our lives
But when we ask
The mud is removed from our eyes
The cotton from our ears
When we hear the trumpet loudly
and we shout the cheer
We know God is by our side
and we loose all our fear
The light shines brightly
Through the darkest corners
We can then walk in faith
and with our heads held high
We are free
for this is His gift to us
It is simply that
His Grace is ALWAYS enough!

A Prophetic Evening

I have considered doing this for a while now...well since I decided to get baptised.  I thought about sharing my new journey and new life, travelling with God by my side.  But who would listen to the ramblings of a woman turning 40 who had very little to say.  But my life has been transformed.  Who would have guessed, certainly not me! 
Tonight there was a prophetic evening and I felt that I should go. Not that it was really a chore, I love meeting with my Church family to praise, worship and honour God.  But there was more of an urgency to this.  I am not sure why I felt this way, but I had so many things that had gone through my head, and I was trying to work out what direction I needed to go.  So I asked Him for a revelation tonight, a clarity of mind so that I could see my way forward...and of course I got one!  You have to love God, when you allow him to work through you amazing things happen.
The word I received was, well...I am going to write.  Yep, me...write!  I hadn't seen this coming. "You will write.  It will wake you in the night, and you will write it down."  Now you may not think that is a big thing, but for me it is huge. I am quite a private person, and I do not write anything down.  Never saw the point in diary's, never had a story to tell...at least not one that I would want to put on paper.  So you see, this is big for me.  And God has put it on my heart to do.  I am not sure why, yet, but I know there is a reason.  There is a reason for everything.  I may not know what that reason is in my lifetime, but this is a generation thing. So I will build my part for future generations and I know that somewhere, sometime, this will be read by the right person and it may help guide them.